A God Thing
Last night (before I posted about not coping) I wrote a long journal entry to God asking alot of specific "Whys?". It was a long vent mostly....then after I posted to you guys, I visited a few other blogs before popping into Jolene's. I actually didn't plan to visit everyone, just before visitng Jolene I had almost left and gone to bed. It was a God Thing that I did, because her page began downloading and the instant I saw the title of her post "Flower in the Rain" I nearly burst into tears again. I knew instantly that it was God talking to me--gently touching my cheek with His strong finger and whispering to me: "This is my answer, dear child. Remember?"
I'm ashamed to say, He'd told me before. That's why when I saw the title I already knew what He was telling me. I just didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to accept that perhaps He was allowing me to go through this rough season just so that I might draw closer to Him, because in my prideful arrogance I'd made myself the illusion that "I had it together", that my relationship with God is wonderful and all good. But it's not. It's very feeble. And just admitting it, isn't going to make it perfect. It'll never be perfect. But it can be better, and right now I realise that I'm going to have to go back to my Father more than I have been. I need to give this whole mess of my life to Him. Need to talk with Him when I'm so upset and depressed. Not just about Him.
Like I told y'a'll in a few previous posts, I wrote that small metaphor about how in "trials and suffering we're like flowers in the rain" about three years ago. God had already written on my heart the answer to all my questions these three years later. They'd just become so well-known that they didn't really hit home as effectively as they have in the past. So, when Jolene took them and wrote this beautiful song out of them, it was like I was reading anew the words from God that had been sent from Heaven three years previous.
Thank you so much, Jolene. You're a dear sister in Christ. Love you :)
Flower in the Rain
Pale blossom, face upturned to the sky
So frail, I am but beginning to take root
I’m staring at the gathering clouds and I
I can’t believe the storm’s come so soon
Where did the sunny skies go?
And why do I get the feeling You aren’t listening to me?
I’m cringing under this rain now
My safe known world is out of control, spinning suddenly
Upturn my face to the rain
Soak up this pouring storm
Wash my inconsistencies away
When the clouds roll back I’ll see the morn
Upturn my eyes to the sky
Let this storm strengthen me
Make me more beautiful in Your eyes—
Like a flower in the rain
Roots scrabbling for a decent hold
I’m unsure of where I’m going
The storm is beating me down
What was that about growing?
I’m pushing against the torrent falling
If I don’t let myself wilt beneath this driving pain
I can see it’s to a deeper life You’re drawing me
To be strengthened past my cringing shame
Repeat chorus…
Can’t let this pouring rain drive me into the mud
Can’t let it drown me in its relentless downfall
I’ve got to put these roots out to the One
That holds me up through this passing squall
Strengthen me, drive away my shame
Let this downpour drive me closer to Your ways
Let these storms make me more beautiful for the pain
That I may bloom through these cloudy days
Like a flower in the rain
© 2004 Jolene R
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