Be Happy
They come out of the woodwork. Thank you nice people for consoling my nerves. I'm sure the self-doubt meltdowns must be a writer thing. It's a lonely, fearful world we live in, vulnerable to the ever cruel whim of a temporamental audience. Indulge us. We need reassurance.
I need to remember Mr. A's advice, "They come, read and learn . Keep on writing. Don't worry, be happy! Adeus."
Yes...happy, happy, happy.
I'm moving on in my life at the moment. I feel I've finally conquered the emotional cock-and-kabuttle I was fighting and it feels like my life has finally come back to simple plain living. I've heard people talk about being on holidays and wishing morbidly for the routines of home. Right now I'm emphathizing with that thought. Though I wasn't on a holiday per say I was on a tangent of wild emotions and it's reassuring right now to be waking up, eating, and getting on with my life.
What is it the ever-wise moderator of the Sonlight Teens Forum, Mrs. A (no relation to the Mr. A of above), kept saying? "Pick up the broken pieces of your life and move on." I need to remember this also.
I've taken three steps to implement this new direction in my life:-
1. Send away for the Christian Writer's Guild Starter Kit. I've been thinking and praying about this one for a while and so far the door seems wide open. I'm not sure exactly when I might be able to sign up for real but I like the idea of having the forms to which I can gaze lovingly, show my parents, and dream about.
I'm hoping I might be able to sign up once we've shifted up north. I don't know how I'll cope physically with the shifting and settling in, so I'm kind of dubious to commit myself to a two year course before I really know. The course is by correspondence, though, and is designed to be done part-time for working adults. I'm hoping this will give me enough lee-way to be "sick".
The other big thing I love is the two annual writing conferences they hold in America every year for their students. They look so utterly tempting, not only for writing purposes, but as an excuse to get on a plane to the states. And, dear American friends, this is no promise but trust me a very, very big hope. Pray, ok? I'll need a big leap forward in my health before I can seriously consider the thought for 2007.
2. Book a trip to visit Rachel. I love my older sister and I just couldn't conceive the thought of not being able to see her until after the baby was born. I haven't, either, traveled by myself for almost two years. I've been back and forth, intrepid about the idea, but with enough talk I've convinced myself I should be well enough and even if I'm not I don't care. I'm still going. I need this trip to convince myself I'm getting better as much as to see Rachel.
I'll be going for ten days at the end of March. The weather sounds just delicious and I can't wait to get the chance to run around town with my to-be-very-pregnant-sister (keep growing Bub!).
3. Commit myself to cooking tea every Monday night. This one has been a year in the waiting (actually, make that two) and I finally decided I needed to believe I'll be strong enough and make the commitment. It was this or be dragged back to the washing dishes roster by my very indignant-at-big-sisters-being-sick-privileges brothers and sister.
Making dishes sounds a whole lot more enjoyable. And tonight on the menu is chicken stir-fry (pray the fox hasn't gotten to my chicken before I can employ a younger blood thirsty brother to be-head it).
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