Leaving on a jet plane...
...Don't know when I'll be back again. Leaving...*continues singing off-key*
It's funny, I always begin sub-consciously singing that song when I'm about to go away. Which, yes, I'm doing.
As has probably been fairly obvious; the last couple of months with my ME have been especially hard. I've deteriorated rapidly to the point now where I'm allergic to many foods and nearly all mediations. I can't go out shopping for a day without ending up in bed for a week; and little things like taking a shower sap a lot of my strength and I often have to lay down for a few hours afterwards.
As my body continues to weaken, my immune system has begun to confuse more everyday substances as "enemies". In the last two months I've become badly allergic to chocolate, yoghurt, refried beans, tomatos and eggs (I could eat all three at Christmas). It was a real shock when a few weeks ago I ate four little squares of chocolate and fainted a few hours later. Wham. Was not expecting that. I was a write-off for the next two days.
The key, my doctor says, to me getting better will be in getting my body to accept the substances that it needs to help it recover. If my body continued on the way that it's going, I'd eventually become allergic to almost everything (apparently one lady got so bad that all she could eat was rice and broccoli).
Which is where me going away comes in. In a couple of days we leave for the capital, so I can go through some intensive treatment in an attempt to try and gain control of my allergies. It's going to be a whole month. Pretty intense...in a lot of ways I'm kind of dreading it, but it should work. At least a bit anyway--and another to help relieve the stomach cramps, and stomach related migraines and backache would be such a relief.
Constantly Amazed; Constantly Humbled
Tuesday. Life hadn't been so good. I spent the late hours of the night barely holding on; scrunched up against the wall--pain--watching the smudge of dawn blur through the curtain of my tears. I knew there was those that cared, but yet again they were asleep.
Then Wednesday. My mum got a message from a lady in America. "I had to write. On Tuesday, I kept thinking of Lydia and feeling like I needed to pray for her. I prayed for her all day--is she ok?" I almost cried when my mum told me. Here I'd been doubting that God really cared, when all the while He'd been reminding people on the other side of the world to cover me in prayer.
I'm constantly amazed. Things like this happen. People ring to ask how I am. Others send me e-mails. Many say they're praying. These are people I know are for real. They're not just *saying* it. And in point of fact, it's very humbling. Very, very humbling.
Refining an Old Skin
It's up! *big grin*
It's not perfect. It's not complete. And I realise that it says "done, but with errors on page" (I've mucked something up in the HTML, but can't for the life of me figure out where).
But hey, it's a start. It's a look. And I'm somewhat proud.
Exactly a year from this month I knew no HTML at all. I couldn't even put an image on my newly begun blog without helpful nudges from certain people. And now we have a website. Quite a step, I dare say. One I would never have foreseen coming, but then, that's life.
Light in the Darkness
It's hard to fight your own words--
"I guess what I'm saying is, however hard things get, dear, don't ever despair. Our Father really will use this time for His glory. It's ironic, but often He uses us most right when we feel the most un-useful. I've been amazed how when I've been the sickest, the most emotionally wrecked, it's then that others have been the most encouraged. I can't figure out God can do that--how He can use me when my faith is the smallest--but He keeps doing it anyway. It's all connected with the thing about darkness, I guess. Perhaps God allows it to get so dark sometimes so that His light can be seen."
When I'm Not Here
As always I've written a few different posts at various times over the last couple of weeks--in my head. Never made it onto here to put any of them up. I'm actually only writing this now 'cause from an out-of-the-blue decision to check my blog found that a few people have actually been keen for news.
I've been out of it is all. Last year I coined the phrase "doubly sick". I had high hopes of this year being better, but January found me in bed deciding that "doubly sick" just didn't cut it. I now have "tribly sick". Because of many different reasons I've been slipping in and out of the tribly sick situation lately.
I'm not always there. About five days ago I had one really good day. It's those moments that give me the hope that there's something worth fighting for. So I'm still fighting...
But if I've been silent for a long time, then you're pretty safe to assume that things could be bad. If whenever you see an old post uploading yet again on your screen, if you could just send up a quick prayer, it would mean so much to me.
