Wildflowers this Spring
My, oh my...I haven't written in awhile, hey? I think it's weird how sometimes the reason you don't write is not because you don't have anything to write about, but because there's so much to write about that you don't feel you can say it all and so you don't say anything at all. I get that alot. Ideas and events will pile up in my head, and in some ways I guess I feel overwhelmed so I just turn around and don't do anything about even trying to write a little about them. I'm such a perfectionist that if I can't write everything about it then I'll very well not write anything about it. Then because of my lovely dominate Phelgmatic nature I'll just shrug, flop back in an armchair and declare, "Oh well, I've been meaning to finish this book."
That's kind of been part of it. I've been reading heaps these last couple of weeks. All Core 9 stuff. I'm pretty much right on track. It's just there's been a few heavy books and I really wanted to get them done and over with, so that I wouldn't have a ton of heavy reading to do at the end of the year. I'm already gettin' the end of the year wind down feeling. Well, there's is only what...three months to go. Three months and about 18 books. I'm determined to do it 'cause I so wanna get the opportunity to read about church history (Core 8)! But I'm also really having to watch myself. If I start stressing too much or pushing myself I'm sunk--sunk with a two ton elephant tied to my ankles.
And I'm more determined to get better than read all of these books. Which is the other part of me being so abscent lately. I'm really having to stay on the ball about things at the moment. Because things have gotten slightly more complicated with the T3 medication not working, my doctor has been wanting me to do more tests just to make sure it's not other things that could be also wrong in my body. For one I had to cut off a bit of my hair and send it off to this place for them to test the minerals in my body. Apparently if I've been exposed to a really bad mineral that's stored up in my body, my body then could be having a really adverse effect to it. Plus I've got to do a saliva test to check how bad my Adrenal Glands are. But I've got to do that on a certain day of the month, which is the 31st. And of course I've got to get another blood test *shudders*. I'm kind of planning to put that off until next month...I figure if I can get the results back to her for two tests then maybe I can hold her off about the blood test until the appointment after the next.
But then, all the tests haven't really been taking up all that much time. Mostly it's all of these tablets I've got to take, and I've got to closely monitor my temperature (take it three times a day) and how I'm feeling to make sure I know exactly when I begin to overdose and have to cut back. I was counting the other morning and let's see--
1 Astrelagous 8 (for my immune system)
1 Fish Oil (for Omega-3 oils)
2 Q10 (for stamina to keep me going)
1 Adrenoplex (for my adrenal glands)
2 Zinc (for my immune system and skin)
1 teaspoon of Magnesium powder (for energy)
2 teaspoons of Vitamin C powder (heck, you should know what that's for!)
Man, what's that? 10 different things: 11 tablets and three teaspoons of powder (I drink it with orange juice...hot water is another way to get it down, but whatever you do, don't ever take powders in just normal water if you aren't use them it. You'll nearly throw up.) I've always hated taking tablets. They taste foul, they get stuck in your throat, and they just...I dunno :P I can't help but shudder when I just swallow them with water, so I've given that up. I swallow them with food. It's the only way.
Sometimes I think I'm feeling better, then I get other days like yesterday when I feel like the only think I'm useful for is sitting in a corner crying. I'm slowly learning, though. I can read about half of a blood tests results now; Mum and I went online and bought all of the books and stuff we could find on Wilson's Thyroid Syndrome the other day and reading more indepth about it is really helping; and like Mum said the other day: when I'm realing struggling against depression and irritability I need to keep remembering that this isn't me. She's like, "Maybe it'll help if you keep reminding youself "This isn't me. This is abnormal. It isn't me." to keep yourself from giving in." It's a fight, and I've probably blown up more times this year than I have in the last three...
I guess, it's this fighting to keep from drowning that takes most of the energy. Just living and trying to stay emotionally level. Taking all the tablets at their designated times; taking my tempt at three o'clock, six o'clock, and nine o'clock; and eating. Making food and eating it. Any left over energy I have seems to go into hanging out with my family.
You know, it's so strange. I never know how to end these kind of posts. I could leave it like this, but it leaves things with a distasteful taste and I hate being down all the time. I especially hate pulling people down with me 'cause I know that only a couple of hours after posting really down posts I'll probably feel up again. 'Cept I don't really feel down tonight. I'm feeling pretty emotionally level. I just wanted to blog is all, and I especially just want you to have the chance to understand.
This is my current life. This is a little of how it is and how I'm handling it. And did I mention that there's flowers this spring? Wildflowers. Because of the last three years of drought we truly haven't had wildflowers. Clowds of purple and white and yellow aren't smothering the roadsides this season, but there amongst the old dead wooly butt grasses there's some purple and yellow. Aaron, my youngest bro, brought me in a bunch the other day, and they were so pretty.
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